Fuck this shit. I knew everything i did will never be right in your eyes. Am never be good enough for you, am i? Im just a person and i won’t be perfect. All i can do is just , made you mad. Yes. I did everything wrong.
I’m sorry for all of the mistakes i’ve made. But, if crying for you and because of you is the only thing i could do right in your eyes, i’ll do it, everytime you want me to😉
Babe. Did you ever think, why did i do everything you told me to do? Why i was soooo scared when you got mad at me? Why am i always told you everything happens to me and everything i did everyday? That’s all because i wanna made you believe in me. I try so hard to be better person. For you, for us, for this relationship. I’m yours. And i think it doesn’t matter for me if you have to know every move i took. But what’s hurt me is, when i’m busy telling you the truth, you were busy hiding something from me, and i don’t know why……
God, is it that hard to talk him? Umm, i mean, is it that hard for him to be serious when i talk to him? Rrghhh babe please, this is ours. Not only mine or yours. This is us, not me or you. I love you. So much. Too much. Is that clear enough to explain the reason why i think too much about everything in this relationship?……
I knew, everything will happen. What we could do is just plan it. We can’t overstep what God will do. And it was wrong if i overthink about how we’ll be in the next day, next month or next year. I’m on my way to try to not to think about it, and it is truly hard….
find someone who’ll bring you everything without you asked. But they just give because they want to. I’ve asked everything from you. And i’ll always. Why? Because you didn’t give me things i didn’t ask. And even when i ask for something, you still didn’t give me. Even if , it’s just to sit in front of me today. It hurts, you know……
Things aren’t going well this day. Honestly, this couple weeks. God, idk it’s wrong or not to think that he doesn’t love me as much as i did to love him. But ya, that’s what i’ve saw lately. Kalau diumpamakan, he’s the old me now. I knew, God. Karma’s truly exist. And now it has exist in my life. Sesakit inikah?
The craziest thing i’ve done is, said yes when he broke me up. When i don’t even knew how to life without him. He’s always by my side everyday. Everyday. But , things are going well then. We were getting back, until now.
And this day, he said to me about his future, again. Its totaly made this day felt so worst. God, doesn’t he knew that my face’s totally change everytime he told me about this? Im in a big confuse. My half heart’s happy bcs he already knew what he want for his future. But, the other heart is broken. I knew, he’ll choose the best for thing for him, and so do i. I’ll choose what’s best for him. Even if it means he should leave me here. Just leave me for a while and tell me to stay and wait for him to come back, or he’ll leave me forever without asking me to wait for him. But what hurts me most is, Everytime he told me about his future, he never put me there.
God…… I knew, we’re to young to think about this. And I’m too silly to think that he’s my future and he’ll be my “forever”. But this is the fact. I love him so much. I love him more and more each day without he ever knowing. And today, i found myself said it again. I’m not ready to life my live without him by my side, without seeing his face everyday. I’m not ready for the fact that he’ll leave me. i don’t know when, but sooner or later, that “goodbye” words will come from his mouth. And all i knew is, i’m not ready and i’ll never ready to hear that.